Thursday, June 30, 2011

Who am I? Just say NO to drama queens...The ongoing tale of the Invisible Man...

From the earliest age, I always knew that the common answers people give in response to the "who are you?" question were fundamentally wrong.

I've never fully grasped that notion of identifying with something so completely that I refer to it to explain who I am.  When I learned about God's answer to Moses' question "who are you?", God said "I am what I am".  Popeye said that too, so you know there's something deeper to it.

As a slight tangent to that, I think vanity license plates are ridiculous on vehicles.  It's amazing to me how deeply they identify with their possessions.  The same goes with nicknames on social or dating websites.  I guess the drive to NOT be identified by what I do, who I'm married to or divorced from, or what I drive, or where I live, or what State or Country I was born in ... was more important to me than "belonging" to any descriptive group or subset of society.

So I have always been a bit of a loner, but surprisingly also always had a good core group of mostly non-judgmental friends to support me.  I've always enjoyed the natural ability of flying under the radar, like I'm invisible.  I care deeply about the people I choose to associate with, so I'm often appear to be a bit standoffish.

I put everything I have into all my relationships, so the reason I stand back at first is because I don't want to get sucked into a vortex of drama, woe is me-victim mentality, or anything like that.

Life is too short to waste any of it with stereotypical, ego based, life drama.  It's just not worth it.  People who thrive on drama, attract that to their lives because they LIKE it.  While it's true, that they'd be better off without it, they don't want anyone to actually try to help them learn to eliminate it.  Because they don't know any better, haven't experienced anything other than that, wouldn't know what to do without it.

They jump from one crisis to the next, because if there was no crisis, they wouldn't know what to do next.  So instead of learning to plan ahead to actually attempt to avoid crisis, they actually do things to create crisis.  I allowed myself to be dragged down a drama queen's path once and I will not make that mistake again.  I definitely learned a lot from the experience, enough to know that I plan not to repeat that lesson.

So now, I'm back to flying under the radar again ... the Invisible Man.

More about all of this later, I'm sure.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Letter of Resignation

It's pretty sad that I have to ask Amber to confirm whether I'm getting paid for Memorial Day, as it initially appeared when she verified the hours I turned in on Monday.  Sadder still that you tell her we are not, yet none of you have the courage to say anything about it.  "Surprise, here's your check...oops, sorry for the misunderstanding".

So, what happened was this...I turned in my hours for the past two weeks first thing Monday morning.  Within 10 minutes, I receive a confirmation of the daily, weekly, and bi-weekly totals, which INCLUDED Holiday Pay for Memorial Day.  I guess when the mechanic turned in his hours he did not mention the holiday so she did NOT include it in his hours.  These were turned in to the payroll/accounting manager who questioned her, basically asking, "do they both get it or neither?"

Obviously, since I've published this, the answer was NO.  But neither the boss or the owner notified me of the changed.  But at least I saved the email with ALL the hours for the pay period acknowledged.

Screwing the people who are trying to get you out of your self created mess won't win you any points for entrepreneur of the year.  Obviously, $60 or so doesn't mean much to you, but for me it's a 1/2 of my phone bill, a weeks worth of food, or two weeks of gasoline.

You dove into this feet first, trusted one of the most untrustworthy people you know with hundreds of thousands of dollars, were there nearly every day watching it all happen, but now it's on us.  I'm amazed that you don't know that you just don't fuck with the people who are trying to fix your stupid fucking mess.

WHY oh WHY does God or the universe or whatever entrust stupid motherfuckers extra money to squander, while others (like me for example) work hard for shitty pay to help them (more often than not) make even more money?

If you would listen to ANY advice I've offered in the past, I'd accept this no holiday pay until we're making a profit concept.  But you DON'T listen, your ego is too big to ever entertain the thought that this is a bad idea and it's time to do something different.  And on the odd occasion that you try to claim someone else's suggestion as your own, you really don't seem to get it, but can't admit that it wasn't your idea to begin with so it ends up poorly implemented at best or just fucked up, as is typical of your "style".

I've had success in the past working for sensible owners and managers in the past, but your tendency to micromanage is soul crushing.  The fact that you have zero tolerance for any advice offered that contradicts your "plan" and then try to distance yourself from responsibility for your results is sad.  

Equally sad is that it appears that the only thing that you will tolerate is total agreement with der fuhrer.  Good luck with that because you're running out of Cullums, and everyone else figures you out pretty quickly.

Finally, if you don't give a shit about anyone but yourself, I'll be damned if I'm going to work for you or give even the tiniest shit about you and this humongous, stupid mess that you and you alone have created.


(the bold, purple text above is post script, added after the fact to explain from a contextual point of view, what's up)

Monday, June 13, 2011



I’m sorry, but I really don’t think that we, as “individuals” have a list of past lives we have experienced.

I think people who think this way are not far removed from genealogy snobs.  “Look where I’ve come from”, “my ancestors came over on the HMS Whogivesafuck”...

That version of reincarnation appeals to the ego in the worst possible way.  Spiritual dabblers will pay some con to hypnotize them for the purposes of past life regression.  Under the guise of finding out what karmic debt they have to repay, but isn’t it really about having some bragging rights.  “I was Joan of Arc”, blah blah blah.

I believe that there is one substance, one soul.  What we see as an individual, is not the true nature of the spirit that inhabits the physical being that stands before us.  

We develop an ego at an early age as a survival reaction to what is overwhelming.  We instinctively know at an early age that language is such a limiting mode of communication but a skill that is sadly required.  “The map (descriptive words) is not the territory" (accurate portrayal of reality).

Autism...impairment or evolutionary development?

Is it possible that the growing rate of people recognized or labeled as “autistic” on the rise is actually evolution?  Isn’t that a notion to ponder?
Is it the next attention deficit disorder?  Are we over-diagnosing/labeling people as a way to make excuses for their behavior?  Are they really impaired?  Are they undergoing some form of evolutionary change?

Maybe we're beginning to see selective evolution to counter the human tendency to develop and fight so hard to maintain an EGO.  What a HUGE waste of energy.

Eastern philosophies seek to meditate, contemplate, and inquire the ego into extinction.  Christians like Watchman Nee sought to be transparent, to disappear into Christ or to let Him shine through them.

Our senses serve to protect us from chaos, which I believe is the true nature of the world.  Or maybe it's better to say, the limitations of our sentences protect us.  We are only able to perceive a small fraction of what exists, to see or hear or feel the full spectrum would overwhelm us.

Some describe what the Autistic human goes through as being overwhelmed.  It appears to many that their senses are full on.  I've heard them described as being overly aware of sensory input, with a diminished ability to focus their attention or especially to shut out any part of moment to moment experience.

I don't know, just speculating.